Chainsaw phobia

I’m sick of people saying, “OMG I’m SO scared of snakes!!” like it’s something weird to be scared of snakes. Who isn’t scared of snakes? Besides, it’s stupid anyway because how many snakes has the average person seen outside of captivity? Probably close to one, or none. Almost every snake I’ve ever seen was behind a secure glass wall at the Indianapolis zoo, and it’s too hard to be scared because by the time you get to the snake exhibit you’ve spent about 15 minutes marvelling at how freakin’ cute the meerkats are.

I’ll tell you what’s really scary – chainsaws.

When I told Adrian I didn’t really think snakes and spiders were all that scary, but I had a phobia of chainsaws, he said that was ridiculous and there was no such thing as a phobia for chainsaws because it’s not an irrational fear.

I said it is irrational because I can’t even go near one. Every time I go into a garage and I see a chainsaw sitting there all I can think about is “What if someone accidentally hits the table, the saw falls on the floor and by chance hits the ‘on’ button, then it’s swinging around the floor due to the momentum of the moving chain and I’m jumping around like it’s a morbid Skip-it game??”

And I don’t care who you are, the end of haunted houses when the chainsaw comes out is terrifying. I know the entire way through the haunted house/forest/cornfield/junkyard/etc that chainsaw is coming out. I still scream and run as fast as I can to the exit. I just know that someday someone will forget to take the chain off the chainsaw and little Timmy will end up decapitated.

Just to prove his point Adrian decided to Google “What is the fear of Chainsaws called?” On Yahoo! Answers someone had already asked the question, because like I said, chainsaws are terrifying. Frank N. was the top commenter and said “common sense.” Screw you, Frank N.

I strongly disagree with the fact that people have created a phobia they can cite for their fear of spiders, but a phobia name for chainsaws is outlawed because it’s “common sense,” or “self-preservation.” There are phobias for pretty much everything it seems, so I don’t think it would be a problem to add chainsaw phobia to the list. Chainsaw phobia sounds a whole lot cooler than a phobia of bananas.

The only time a chainsaw hasn’t frightened me was in The Simpsons movie, and that scene made me literally LOL. Watch it here!

My other top fears are:

– Alligators and crocs (not the shoe)

– Lizards

– Roaches

Do you have “phobias” or just plain fears if they aren’t allowed to be called phobias? Please share. I won’t laugh at you and tell you your fear is not allowed to be a phobia.

*I have no way of knowing where the original pictures for the movie or the Skip-it kid came from. Sorry.

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28 Comments

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28 responses to “Chainsaw phobia

  1. I just use handsaws, not out of fear, but from a preference for older tools. As for snakes, you don’t spend enough time in the woods. Visit Arkansas, and you’ll see serpents all over. I’ve come up on a water moccasin and a copperhead. I’m still looking for a rattler, though.

  2. I know this is totally random, but I have a phobia of being followed up the stairs. It terrifies me. Remember when you were little and you thought there was someone hiding under your bed getting ready to grab your foot when you got out so you would stand up and jump far away so he couldn’t get you? That’s the way I feel when someone (in particular my husband) walks to closely behind me up the stairs. I feel like he is going to suddenly grab my feet and pull and I will slide backwards down the stairs on my belly. If Joe insists on walking behind me just to be mean I make him put his arms around me and walk asshole to bellybutton so he can’t pull my feet. And there you have it.

  3. Grover C's Grandson

    No joke, I was just singing the Skip It theme song no more than one day ago. I hated that toy, but the jingle was a delight.

  4. Grover C's Grandson

    (me)

  5. I REALLY like this blog post. As for phobias, I don’t think I have any but I think I told you about my friend who has a phobia of sharks? Even a stuffed toy shark would FREAK her out big-time. She wouldn’t be able to go near it and would ask you to take it away or she would get really upset.

    • Aw, shucks. Thanks! I say you should wrap up your toy shark in a really nice present, then give it to her for Christmas. Just kidding, that would be evil. But if you do decide to do that, let me know.

  6. Man I love my stuffed toy shark.

    • Bring it to the office. One time I had a shirt that had a shark “bite” taken out of the side and it was surrounded by “blood,” and said “SHARK ATTACK!” on the front of it. I got it at a garage sale and I thought I was so cool.

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  8. Sam

    I have a phobia of chainsaws. I don’t think it is called common sense either….. What if they do forget to remove the chain? or just don’t remove it? I flip my lid even to the point of blacking out from them.

    • I know! There are so many stupid people out there that it’s bound to happen one day that someone forgets to take the saw off at a haunted house or something. So scary.

  9. Nick

    chainsaws only scare me if it someone trying to scare me with one like at a haunted house. i do remember at this one haunted house noone had a chainsaw but in stead hid in a dark corner with a leaf blower. guess they thought it sounded like a chainsaw. lol

  10. Nick

    chainsaws only scare me if it someone trying to scare me with one like at a haunted house. i do remember at this one haunted house noone had a chainsaw but in stead hid in a dark corner with a leaf blower. guess they thought it sounded like a chainsaw. lol.

  11. I am so utterly terrified of chainsaws. I can’t stand the sound of them and I cannot be around anything that sounds like them, like those stupid leaf blower things. I hate those too. And hedge trimmers. Freakin’ hedge trimmers are annoying. Basically anything that sounds like a fly on crack. hate hate hate!!!!

    And yes, I think the same thing when I walk into a garage with a chainsaw…

  12. Pj

    I don’t blame you for being scared of chainsaws. They can be very dangerous .

  13. I think the same thing as the author of this blog. you’re not mad and honestly i agree that chainsaws are evil, should never be trusted, and there should be a proper name for a fear of chainsaws. i get so bad that at the very glance or sound (no matter how far away) i lock up in a huddling position, crying and i won’t stop until it’s gone out of sight or sound. i often have nightmares about them too. just talking about it has me shaking. 😦

    this fear goes beyond “common sense.” common sense would tell you oh be careful, it’s sharp and dangerous. handle with care…. not have you frozen like a deer in headlights…

  14. keener

    I fell you. I hate chainsaws. they scare the living crap out of me. I never liked them I mean i could use them for self defense but he’ll no I hate them.

    btw. I’m scared of snakes.!loll

  15. Z

    Oh my gosh! I’m but the only one. I hate chainsaws and have a phobia. Anytime I see one it sends me into anxiety and panic mode. Even outside of haunted houses. If it’s in the garage. It’s horrible. No joke.

  16. Kaycee

    Just wanted to let you know you are not alone! Also terrified of chainsaws! I got I to an argument with a friend which led me to search ” chainsaw phobias ” and I came across your blog!

  17. Pingback: You Need Music When Using Chainsaws - schmooze-blog

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