I’ll be friends with anyone who wants to file my taxes for me.

This has been a big week for me in terms of life revelations. I found a reason to have children AND a reason to become a British citizen.

This year was the first year my parents said (in February), “You need to make sure you file your taxes.” I said, “OK,” and now it’s the deadline in three days and I haven’t filed my taxes yet. I’m scared.

Being an adult isn’t very fun. I don’t want to file taxes. If I become a British citizen I’ll never have to file taxes again, unless I become self-employed.

Yes, that’s correct. I pay taxes over here and I don’t have to file a tax return. “They” do it for me, and I carry on living my life.

Filing a tax return is the kind of thing that makes you start thinking, “My parents should have to do this for me. I didn’t ask to be born, so why am I being punished? You aren’t just a parent for 18 years, you are a parent for life! Who do they think they are?? The audacity!”

I want to go back in the womb. Kind of like Benjamin Button, except my story wouldn’t be so gawddang boring and make people paralyzed with rage that they wasted three hours of their life watching one of the worst movies ever made, and then have to hear obnoxious, self-obsessed, a-doublesnakes-holes talk for months about how the film was “beautiful” and “Oscar-worthy.” No, no it wasn’t. I don’t want to be friends with anyone who can look me in the eye and honestly say that was a good movie. There’s being tolerant of other people’s opinions, and then there’s this movie.

 So, who wants to be my friend? This offer is on the table only until April 18.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “I’ll be friends with anyone who wants to file my taxes for me.

  1. Aah! I love this post 🙂 I have had suuuuch a fun time figuring out how to file taxes – in multiple states with multiple different laws and stipulations – and throw in the fact that we’re military and there’s different rules for that too. I nearly had a heart-attack just reading that you have to file from over there! What a pain! Man, “they” should be taking care of this for us over here too. Except they’d probably just take more of my money. Dangit. I hate being an “adult” too.

    • I know, it’s such a hassle! Why can’t the employer just sort it out like in England?? I don’t even want to think about when I move back to the US and have to file for both here and there, plus a state.

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