Tag Archives: television

Do you know who these people are?

Last night Adrian showed me this picture and said, “Do you know who these people are?”

I said, “I don’t know. The one in the middle kinda looks like my Uncle Chuck, though. Is it? Who are the other two?”

“NO! IT’S A SHOW YOU’RE CURRENTLY WATCHING.”

I guessed X-files, but Adrian got angrier!

I still couldn’t get it.

Then he informed me it was Data, Riker and La Forge from Star Trek. Oops!

Me: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? THEY LOOK COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

Adrian: Don’t blame me for you being a dumbass.*

*Adrian’s not as mean as he sounds.

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Today Show in Jan 1994 – What is the Internet??

I don’t remember what life was like before the Internet. We’ve had a computer since I was about 7, and Internet not long after.

I’ve always wondered what it must be like for people who were adults when the Internet came around, and now I know:

You know what else I don’t remember? Life before TV remote controls. Some Brits (who are roughly my age)  in my office were talking about how they remember the days when they had to get up and switch the TV manually.

I had a really confused face, because I thought this stopped happening in like 1965. This was something I only saw in black and white TV shows. Then I remembered I’d heard Brits didn’t get more than four TV channels* until around the early to mid 90s, and they confirmed this was true. Yes, you read me right. Four channels. Mid 90s. Man I had a giggle fit.

Don’t worry – they have channels now! (and remotes)

* Adrian said: “Could you put in there that although we only had 4 channels they were packed full of quality programs (programmes), like Only Fools and Horses, Monty Python, Blackadder, Keeping Up Appearances, Red Dwarf, etc. They’ve stood the test of time.”

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The Time My Cat Appeared On Cat Idol

… except there’s no such thing as Cat Idol. For some reason they stopped with American Idol.

This left us in a pickle. Here we had a cat, Boo, who loves performing, but she had no creative outlet.

Enter Cat Idol.

With a video camera, a cardboard box, three pictures of cat heads and a snapshot of the Idol judges we were able to create an award-winning show. Except it didn’t win awards.

We simply took a picture of Simon, Paula and Randy and then photoshopped three cat heads over their faces.

Then we got recordings of their voices so they could “speak” to Boo before and after her performance. Here’s my star girl on her birthday last year:

Sorry I don’t have a picture of her during production. I’ll explain more on that in a minute.

If you are wondering where the cardboard box comes in, have you thought about how Boo was going to get to the audition? We did. We shot a scene of Boo rolling down the highway in her box car and rocking out to 38 Special’s Hold On Loosely. To make it look like the cat is rocking out all you need to do is shake the box a little.

Don’t worry, if she didn’t like it she could walk away!

Unfortunately production came to a halt because I moved to England. Perhaps my sister Karen can release the unedited footage of Boo’s Cat Idol audition. Either that, or when I finally move back to the US we can finish production. I don’t think that’s as likely, considering her kidneys have started to fail and she probably has only another year of life in her before Dr. McKenzie recommends she be put down.

People talk about needing a creative outlet. Well, let me tell you something I’ve discovered over the years. There’s no better way to foster creativity than to not have many friends. You also need to make sure that the friends you do have are as weird, if not weirder, than you. That way you can do weird things with/around other people and not feel like too much of a loser.  Luckily I have Karen as a sister! This is Karen and her baby at my wedding party last year. Boo is in her pink bridesmaid dress.

As for the weird friends, take my friend who sleeps only in a sleeping bag and refuses to wipe his butt with anything other than Cottonelle wet wipes, which he describes as “a moist adult wipe so refreshing, it transformed each act of defecation into a cause for celebration.” Or my friend who spends her time finding ways to make apples “talk,” making graphs analyzing her coolness level, or making tiny paper Doctor Who fez hats.

If my other friends had an online presence, I’d make fun of them as well.

These friends may make fun of my sister and me for loving Boo, but they are the ones who occasionally get back to me with songs they have created about Boo (they got the idea from us and it stuck with them).

Here is a recent Facebook wall post I received from my sleeping bag friend:

Your stupid cat themed parodies struck me again today, in the form of “Doctor, Doctor, give me the news, I gotta bad case of lovin’ Boo.” Highly inaccurate!

He also claims we ruined his favorite song because now every time he hears it he thinks of replacing the words with Boo.

You can do it with any song. One of my favorites is “Boo Turn,” based on Usher’s U-Turn.

Put your paws up, bend your knees
Bounce around in the potty, get down with me
Oh come on, come on
It’s not hard to learn
Come on, come on
It’s called the Boo-Turn

Go ahead, give it a try! You can simply substitute the word “you” with Boo, or if you are really creative you can make the whole song about Boo.

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Mitchell, Mulder and Scully

I had a dream two weeks ago and I’m still thinking about it:

In my dream I had a poltergeist in my house, and there was also a serial killer on the loose. Double whammy. Enter Mulder and Scully. I jumped in the SUV with them and noticed we had a tail. They didn’t notice until I told them, so that shows you how keen my eye is. I think it was due to my new specs I got that weekend (in real life). They were so impressed with my investigative skills that I got to join their team. I was psyched. Then my dream ended.

I didn’t forget, though. I never watched the show until recently, and boy is it exciting. I’m on Season Three right now. I can’t easily get to sleep unless I watch an episode of X-files, and on Friday I didn’t want to go out on the town, London town, because I couldn’t wait to get home.

Just chillin’ in Skinner’s office:

And here I am again:

I kind of crossed the line on that one, didn’t I?

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Happy Birthday Papa Bear!

Today is my dad’s birthday so I’m going to post a commemorative, collector’s edition blog about him.

In my former imaginary world we were all bears and lived in a treehouse like the Berenstain Bears. Sometimes I still like to pretend this is our family because how much fun would it be to live in a tree and have a family theme song?

Sister and Brother are more like a representation of my sister and me split in half. We both have girly sides finely complimented by a truly disgusting boyish side. My mom is pretty much like Mama Bear because she’s very nice and she’s always right. Really, she is.

But we are talking about my dad here. Being Papa Bear wasn’t his choice because that happened in my mind and I really don’t think he’s up for a family theme song, so if we are talking about making my dad a cartoon he would more closely resemble Hank Hill. He has a lot of the same interests (grilling, mowing, cars) and even kind of looks like Hank:

In the still fictional but not cartoon world, my dad is also The Dude from The Big Lebowski. After he retired from the military, where he had to have a regulation haircut at all times, he decided to not cut his hair for a year or so. With the long, shaggy hair and beard, and the fact that when he’s at home he wears a robe and slippers, this seriously happened and it was hilarious:

My dad had never seen this movie, so when my friends started calling him The Dude he finally watched it. Immediately after he made a White Russian.

I always like it when people are enthusiastic about their interests, and I think you’ll find that my dad is enthusiastic about the Civil War. Here is a screen shot of his recent Facebook profile pictures:

He knows everything about the Civil War. On our family vacation I learned more about the war than I ever learned in school. Here he is at his happiest, standing on Civil War battlegrounds and giving us a minute-by-minute account of the war’s crucial battles:

And this is just a nice picture of my mom and dad at my cousin’s wedding last summer:

This blog is also an apology for being stupid in math(s). It takes 7 days for a card to travel from the UK to the USA, and on the 9th I thought, “Oh, this will get there on time, the 13th is still a week away. Wait a second…”

But anyway, now that I’m a fully grown person I don’t call him old anymore, although maybe he is. As I always say, I report, you decide.

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