Tag Archives: clothes

I’m a fashionable, yet hairy, single Muslim gal

Every now and then I’ll have a period of a couple months where I’ll receive the same ad, everywhere I go. One time Mr. Web thought I was extremely hairy(??!), so he kept offering me mass hair removal products.

I can’t figure out what I’ve said or searched for this time that would be causing me to have nothing but single Muslim dating sites advertised to me for weeks on end. Weeks, I say! I asked a girl at my work who actually is Muslim if she gets these ads, and no, she doesn’t. It’s just me. All day, every day.




(Btw, totally listen to that Kooks song. In fact, I’ll link to it at the bottom of this post so you can listen NOW!)

On occasion I’ll get an ad for Banana Republic skirts I’ve already purchased. I kind of feel like if it’s all-knowing enough to know specifically which skirts I viewed, it should know enough to know that I clicked “add to shopping bag,” and know not to show them to me again and again. And again.

The only thing it gets consistently correct is that I love Back to the Future. For years I’ve had ads trying to sell me BTTF merchandise.

So, according to the Web I’m a fashionable single Muslim girl who loves Back to the Future and is extremely hairy.

As promised:

I love ads. Anyone else have any mystery ads appearing?

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The underwear who lived.

I know I’ve said before┬áthat people should always have nice, new underwear, and I’ve maybe criticized Adrian for owning some holey stuff.


(Adrian’s sock)

I have a confession. I’ve owned a black pair (why is it a pair?) of Calvin Klein underwear since I was 16. I know. But I just couldn’t get rid of them! They’ve been with me through high school, college, and real-life adulthood.

I couldn’t get rid of them because they were my first pair of underwear that didn’t come out of a package, and that was big news. They were cool. I imagined all the cool kids at school had awesome, non-packaged underwear, and then I did too! Sure they couldn’t see the Calvin Kleins, but if I wore a short shirt and leaned forward in my desk chair they may have seen the band indicating that these were, in fact, “designer” underwear.

After exactly 10 years, they are gone. The elastic blew out long ago, but gaining a bit of weight held them up and solved that problem. When the hole appeared in the unmentionable area today it was too much. I kinda want to bury them or hold some kind of memorial. You can’t keep something with you for 10 solid years and then just trash it.

I won’t show you a picture of said underwear because that would be disgusting and some sort of line will have been crossed. Why is it fair that I can show the world Adrian’s holey clothing? Well, if he wants to air my dirty laundry he needs to get a blog. But for now, this is my blog and I’ll publicize myself exactly how I like.

Here, watch this clip of Tobias from Arrested Development because it’s hilarious. I did the sad walk out of the bathroom after I realized my underwear died.

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Yellow & Black

I’m no fashionista, but I do have a couple rules by which I abide when dressing myself and these are generally dictated by things I don’t want to look like.

1) Dork. Self explanatory.

2) Another living creature. For example, an animal, insect, reptile, etc. This brings me to my main fashion rule that outstands any current fashion trend and has been my steadfast rule since I started dressing myself:

Never wear yellow and black together because you will invariably look like a walking bumble bee.

Yellow dress with a black belt? Bumble bee.

Yellow shirt with black pants? Bumble bee.

See?

It doesn’t matter which way you spin it. In my mind yellow and black as a fashion unit is synonymous with bee. Anytime I see someone violating my steadfast rule, I automatically think, “She looks like a bee. Honey, bumble, I don’t know, but definitely a bee.”

And who knows what creatures in the wild think. What would they have thought if I’d been wearing any yellow with this dress? I could have been attacked by anti-bee creatures.

I honestly don’t know why retailers make mock leopard or snake skin apparel. I can’t think of a situation in which I would ever think, “That seems like a good idea. I think I’ll leave the house in that today.”

I’d also never wear a fur coat because I wouldn’t want anyone to look at me and think, “grizzly,” or something like that. It’s likely that someone else can’t help thinking of bears anytime they see someone in a fur coat, much the same as I automatically think “bumble bee” anytime I see someone in yellow and black.

My yellow & black theory has been validated because my sister thinks exactly the same thing. ┬áSo if you were thinking, “Omg, no one thinks that except you,” think again.

If you follow my fashion rules you may not be popular, but you certainly won’t be a walking disaster. Good luck!

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