I think we can all agree that the D.A.R.E. program is worthless. For those of you who didn’t have the pleasure of participating and earning a dorky shirt you’d never wear, D.A.R.E. stands for “Drug Abuse Resistance Education.”
D.A.R.E. is basically taught in a Coach Carr from Mean Girls style.
“At your age, you’re going to have a lot of urges. You’re going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia… and die.”
Except D.A.R.E. tells you not to do drugs or drink alcohol because you will suffer blackouts and you will die.
My point in this post is not to talk about the ways in which D.A.R.E. is worthless.
It’s to talk about a dumb thing that happened the other night. Adrian was talking to me about aliens, LSD and its hallucinogenic effects, and I said, “Yeah, but doesn’t LSD make you jump out of windows and stuff? I don’t think I’d risk it just to see hallucinations imprinted by aliens.”
I said this because that’s what I learned in D.A.R.E. all those years ago. I took it in, accepted it, and because I’m a straight edge I never did any drugs or drank in high school. I generally follow rules because they aren’t meant to be broken, and things are so much nicer when they are orderly. My friend Robin wrote a really funny post about being well behaved and the importance of not breaking rules, which you should totally read.
Anyway, so I never took LSD and since I had no other point of reference, I always just associated LSD trips with jumping out of windows. Then Adrian said, “What if you’re in a bungalow?”
… what if you’re in a bungalow? I never thought about that. And this is where D.A.R.E. fails. They should have prepared me for answers to these kinds of questions. * Don’t worry, Adrian would never do drugs either and he wasn’t trying to get me to do any.
Luckily I’m not an impressionable youth who hangs around questionable characters. Otherwise, this question may have stumped me and I’d have been forced to try LSD.
Also, by not teaching me the drug’s real name, Lysergic acid diethylamide, I have missed out on multiple opportunities to look cool. Whenever people mention LSD, I could squint my eyes, pretend to be confused and say, “Ohhh … you mean Lysergic acid diethylamide?” I’ve missed out on years of this.
One more interesting fact: until I did a little research on LSD, I didn’t know it was colloquially called “acid.” I thought that was something else. Like mushrooms or something.
I need drug education.