I know I’ve said before that people should always have nice, new underwear, and I’ve maybe criticized Adrian for owning some holey stuff.
I have a confession. I’ve owned a black pair (why is it a pair?) of Calvin Klein underwear since I was 16. I know. But I just couldn’t get rid of them! They’ve been with me through high school, college, and real-life adulthood.
I couldn’t get rid of them because they were my first pair of underwear that didn’t come out of a package, and that was big news. They were cool. I imagined all the cool kids at school had awesome, non-packaged underwear, and then I did too! Sure they couldn’t see the Calvin Kleins, but if I wore a short shirt and leaned forward in my desk chair they may have seen the band indicating that these were, in fact, “designer” underwear.
After exactly 10 years, they are gone. The elastic blew out long ago, but gaining a bit of weight held them up and solved that problem. When the hole appeared in the unmentionable area today it was too much. I kinda want to bury them or hold some kind of memorial. You can’t keep something with you for 10 solid years and then just trash it.
I won’t show you a picture of said underwear because that would be disgusting and some sort of line will have been crossed. Why is it fair that I can show the world Adrian’s holey clothing? Well, if he wants to air my dirty laundry he needs to get a blog. But for now, this is my blog and I’ll publicize myself exactly how I like.
Here, watch this clip of Tobias from Arrested Development because it’s hilarious. I did the sad walk out of the bathroom after I realized my underwear died.