The time I hated my parents.

Boy did I hate my parents for one long day when I was five. All the kids at kindergarten were talking about who the first people on Earth were. “Idiots,” I thought. I already knew the answer to that question because I asked my parents when I was like, three.

“No one knows,” I said.

“Yeah they do. Adam and Eve,” the kids said.

“No, my parents said no one knows.”

But the kids were so insistent. And they all knew.

I thought they must be right because all the girls also knew who New Kids on the Block were, and had lunch boxes featuring these mysterious “kids.”

Then I got the burning feeling in my cheeks. I was so embarrassed. I’d claimed to know something, but everyone else knew I was stupid and didn’t actually know. I was an idiot with a Disney lunch box.

All day I said I hated my mom and dad for lying to me. I couldn’t understand why they’d lie to me just to make me look stupid. I mean, they were adults so they obviously knew the answer (because adults know everything, right?). Since they obviously knew the answer, that left only one conclusion: they lied to me to make me look stupid.

For some reason I remember only feeling angry and not the actual confrontation, but apparently I went home and kept asking them over and over to see if they’d tell me the right answer. Eventually I ended up believing them until I was 7 when I had a religious friend and decided to be “religious” for a few months. That’s a story for another day.

Age 6 (or so) Sara and a baby Karen

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “The time I hated my parents.

  1. I have a very clear memory of being in kindergarten and a little boy in my class brought in a picture of God!!!! I went home and excitedly told my mom all about this amazing picture. I don’t remember her (Jewish) response or if I described the picture, I just remember the above. I do, however, remember the picture. It was Jesus.

    Several years later I thought the pictures of Uncle Sam were pictures of God.

  2. Nati

    Until I learned about dinosaurs and evolution in grade school (by reading books on my own in the library), I had no idea Adam and Eve was not the literal truth of the world. Growing up, I had a book my mom apparently bought at a yard sale called “My Book of Bible Stories” which is available in PDF form if you search for it. Oh yeah, its also like a 7th Day Adventist book and my mom never even looked at it before giving it to me.

    You know what the illustrations show? All the horrifying things in the Bible. Which I thought were pretty cool. It is a young sadist’s handbook.

    • You and Adrian should talk sometime. He also used to think that stuff was real until he figured it out on his own. Your bible sounds a lot cooler than mine. Mine was cartoonish and full of happy pictures. I had no idea there was evil stuff in the bible until I looked at a real one. Oh, and my parents never gave me the bible. I think I got it when I was religious in 2nd grade.

      • Nati

        Grandpa Lee gave me 2. One was a tiny one and he gave me a magnifying bar to go with it. I kept all of it, they’re in my really small childhood bags. I always thought it was more for fun or for adults than anything. Of course I prayed as a kid, though I knew it wouldn’t do anything. I learned really young (at 9) that the world is not safe and one must do for ones self.

        Of course, I went to church with Darleen when i was 5 or 6 (Nazarene church) and ended up yelling at a lady who was “feeling the holy spirit” that she needed to sit down and be quiet (which is what Darleen kept telling me) and I got a slap on the mouth…
        I got to draw in a Garfield coloring book at a Baptist church with a school friend…
        I fell asleep at 2 Catholic masses…
        and I went to a pentecostal church in California with my neighborhood Vampire Club friends so we could get holy water. Ended up just having a drinking fountain. When I began to go there, I ended up cheating a lot at Awana (a Bible trivia/knowledge thing for kids).

        Church don’t want me!

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