You know how people say, “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” I don’t like picking on people my own size because they can potentially make me look stupid with witty retorts, and can in almost every case out-violent me if it comes down to that.
This is why picking on a child is ideal. They aren’t smart enough to out wit you, and if they try to hurt you it’s really easy to just knock ’em down. KO in the first round. (Just for the record, that scratch on Maria’s head wasn’t caused by me. Purely coincidental.)
Case in point:
Christmas Eve 2010. Maria, age 4. Evil plate at dinner, full of … food. Tears and tears abound.
Sorry for the blurred picture. I was laughing pretty heartily.
She was “too full” to finish her corn. Adrian said, “OK then, would you like dessert?”
Maria stopped crying, looked up hopefully and said “Yes, please!”
Adrian: “You’re obviously not full then. Finish your corn.”
I couldn’t stop laughing.
Her mum said she couldn’t have any Christmas presents if she didn’t finish the corn, so this left Maria in a bit of a pickle. She could eat the corn and let us win, or she could “win” and not eat the corn, but then she wouldn’t get any presents.
After another ten minutes or so of crying and whining Adrian and I, the evil couple that we are, thought it would be hilarious to pretend to let her win. We’d say, “OK, it’s Christmastime. In the morning you can open your presents.” The next morning she’d open the beautifully wrapped box, eyes wide with excitement, and find nothing but the leftover plate of corn sitting inside. Oh, the look of her shattered heart right before she’d burst into tears would be priceless.
We didn’t do it, though. Her mum thought it would be too mean although she laughed at the thought as well.
Her mum refrigerated the corn because Maria agreed to eat it the next morning, and she did with no complaints. She was really good and ended up opening all her presents and parading around in her princess dresses.