Rapture Eve

When I was 7 I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I went to church a few times and the leaders told me I needed to find a quiet time and focus on letting Jesus into my heart so he could save me. I decided to wait until I got into bed because it was dark and quiet, and I said, “Jesus, will you come into my heart?” I didn’t feel anything, so I had to assume he went there. A few more church sessions went by, and still no Jesus sightings in my heart.

I was always fortunate enough to have a fortunate life, as Bill Maher would say, so I never needed to worry about Jesus saving me or looking out for me. I also liked to ask A LOT of questions, and questions + church usually equals being told to shut up or leave.

I discovered this video a couple of years ago, and it’s perfect. If you’ve ever wondered what happens when an Atheist meets God, here you go:

You can check out Edward Current’s other religious comedies here. You should check them out because they are hilarious!

This video about what would happen if Jesus Christ ran for president is another of my favorites (also by Current).

The whole point of this discussion is the fact that it’s RAPTURE EVE today! What will you be doing to celebrate your last full day on Earth?

I think I’m just going to finish work, then probably go home and go for a run. I want to be fit for the rapture.



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10 responses to “Rapture Eve

  1. That Athiest meeting God is hilarious! And what on Earth is Rapture Eve? Even google cant tell me 😦 x

    • Some really religious Christians believe tomorrow, May 21, is going to be the rapture where Jesus comes back and takes a few of us to heaven. Everyone else has to endure months of suffering until we are ultimately killed in October. It’s insane.

  2. So…. if I, like you, asked the Lord into my heart (thus putting me on the rapture guest list), but then in later life strayed from the path of righteousness, what is my rapture status now? Is it like, once save, always saved, or do I get booted out back to suffer on earth? Is Jesus still in my heart if I never formally asked him to leave or did he get the hell out of dodge the first time I described myself as ‘not particularly religious?’

    I vaguely remember asking someone at church a similar question when I was a kid and whoever it was was just like ‘Uh, why would someone want to stop believing?’

    • I wondered the same thing. I only went to church for a few weeks, so I’ve asked if Jesus stayed there or what?

      I think people like you and Adrian are probably the worst off though. You guys used to truly believe and you knowingly turned your back to God. Good luck!

  3. I’m getting my hair cut and colored. I need to be pretty for the rapture!!!

  4. I’m looking forward to a summer vacation filled with partying and violent mayhem. Oh, wait, that’s my summer session class. Ahem, I meant weeping and gnashing of teeth. Oh, that’s the class too. . .

    I’m getting confused. Perhaps I’ll drink lots of beer (it relaxes the muscles) and hold out an electronic thumb.

  5. I think violent mayhem sounds like a whole lot of fun.

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