Why I never took LSD

I think we can all agree that the D.A.R.E. program is worthless. For those of you who didn’t have the pleasure of participating and earning a dorky shirt you’d never wear, D.A.R.E. stands for “Drug Abuse Resistance Education.”

D.A.R.E. is basically taught in a Coach Carr from Mean Girls style.

“At your age, you’re going to have a lot of urges. You’re going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia… and die.”

Except D.A.R.E. tells you not to do drugs or drink alcohol because you will suffer blackouts and you will die.

My point in this post is not to talk about the ways in which D.A.R.E. is worthless.

It’s to talk about a dumb thing that happened the other night. Adrian was talking to me about aliens, LSD and its hallucinogenic effects, and I said, “Yeah, but doesn’t LSD make you jump out of windows and stuff? I don’t think I’d risk it just to see hallucinations imprinted by aliens.”

image source

I said this because that’s what I learned in D.A.R.E. all those years ago. I took it in, accepted it, and because I’m a straight edge I never did any drugs or drank in high school. I generally follow rules because they aren’t meant to be broken, and things are so much nicer when they are orderly. My friend Robin wrote a really funny post about being well behaved and the importance of not breaking rules, which you should totally read.

Anyway, so I never took LSD and since I had no other point of reference, I always just associated LSD trips with jumping out of windows. Then Adrian said, “What if you’re in a bungalow?”

Oh.

… what if you’re in a bungalow? I never thought about that. And this is where D.A.R.E. fails. They should have prepared me for answers to these kinds of questions. * Don’t worry, Adrian would never do drugs either and he wasn’t trying to get me to do any.

Luckily I’m not an impressionable youth who hangs around questionable characters. Otherwise, this question may have stumped me and I’d have been forced to try LSD.

Also, by not teaching me the drug’s real name, Lysergic acid diethylamide, I have missed out on multiple opportunities to look cool. Whenever people mention LSD, I could squint my eyes, pretend to be confused and say, “Ohhh … you mean Lysergic acid diethylamide?” I’ve missed out on years of this.

One more interesting fact: until I did a little research on LSD, I didn’t know it was colloquially called “acid.” I thought that was something else. Like mushrooms or something.

I need drug education.

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16 Comments

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16 responses to “Why I never took LSD

  1. Sounds like my early education, raised by a bunch of goodie goodies. The irony was that the most active participants in our drug and sex avoidance groups were using whatever they could get their hands on (ah, that can mean a lot, and I do mean all of it).

    • They do! Every drug or anti sex class I had was worthless. Even when they were teaching about stuff I personally would never do, I always felt it was completely ineffective in deterring anyone who didn’t already feel that way.

  2. I checked out Robins blog – it’s great. Thanks for the link.

  3. As a former honorary D.A.R.E Deputy, I feel pity for your inaccurate view on the importance of the program. I don’t do drugs, and I feel comfortable in saying it’s strictly because of the day I got to wear a small sheriff’s hat while standing side-by-side with officer Tim Bruce, handing out pamphlets about the dangers of drug use to my third grade classmates. Maybe an experience like this would have opened your eyes to what D.A.R.E is really all about and you wouldn’t embarrass yourself with nonsensical posts such as this one.

    • I admit – I’ve never been a fan of D.A.R.E. ever since some other stupid girl’s essay got chosen over mine. You know how at the end of the program there is an essay competition? I forget what the prize was, but boy was I mad. I was sure I’d win it, and when they announced that girl’s name I was like NO WAY!! I’ve never gotten over that, and I’ll resent those D.A.R.E. officers and the Kate Haynes Elementary school officials for the rest of my life. I might do drugs just to spite them.

      • You can’t let other kids sour you to a wonderful organization. I vividly remember Andy Crimmins laughing at me because the honorary hat didn’t come anywhere close to fitting my enormous dome, and to my understanding, he actually served time for multiple DUI’s. Who got the last laugh? Me, the kids still living with his parents, that’s who!

        • Maybe you should become a police officer. The Indianapolis police get to wear super cool hats now. As I recall the new hats even got a story in the Indy Star. Now that’s cool.

  4. kim

    Hahaha! Great post! You made me laugh out loud. Well written my friend!

  5. Well, there’s another gap in my knowledge! I didn’t know that LSD and acid are the same thing either. We really need to brush up on our drug knowledge!

  6. Michael

    No offence man. Are you fucking retarded. You claim LSD is so horrible but not fucking shit all about it. Learn to think. Open your mind!

  7. Sam

    Yeah you really need to research and get to know more about what you are claiming is so horrible. Seriously. Read up on Erowid, even wikipedia and you might actually learn a thing or two about the drugs you are putting down. I am not advocating its widespread use, however why not actually research what you are talking about and perhaps experience it before shutting it down.

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