I Want a Sleep Switch

Life would be much improved by a switch we could flip or a button we could press on our bodies that would make us go to sleep instantly, although thinking about the actual mechanics of this really grosses me out.

Millions of years of evolution (or extremely faulty creationism) and this is what we get? Awake at night, day-dreaming [at night?] about a fantasy life filled with piles of good food and money, a life devoid of minor annoyances, like trying to put on a pair of pants and not having to thrash them around violently because they have somehow gotten tangled inside the leg and even your fist punching them can’t undo the tangle.

Sometimes I think about sleeping. I’m trying to sleep and I’m thinking about sleeping so my mind will remember how earlier in the day it didn’t want to wake up and got extremely angry at the 4 am alarm clock. This works better than counting sheep, which I’m not sure anyone actually does. When I think about sheep or when I try to count backwards from 100 I become restless and filled with boredom instead of ZZzZzzzZs.

What usually works best is pretending I am in outerspace, minus the exploding body. I just float around and try to imagine what it would feel like to have no weight pulling me down and making me tired.

The point is, I’m on a 5 am shift today and can’t stop thinking about how my life would be a whole lot better if I had been able to get to sleep at 8:30 last night like I planned, because I was exhausted but my mind wouldn’t be quiet.


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