I’m a Gaming Hero.

I beat Bioshock! I’m really proud because it’s my first adult solo game.

The only games I’ve ever beaten are Aladdin for Super Nintendo and Donkey Kong Country III, also for SNES. I beat Resident Evil 5, but Adrian says that doesn’t count because we played as a team and he “had to drag me kicking and screaming.” Not true. I still maintain I was the brains behind the operation. I seriously did come up with all the good ideas and he did all the physical labor.

I started playing Dead Space tonight. That game is scary!! When the aliens came at me in a storm, I was swinging every which way with my gun, yelling “OH NO OH NO!!!” and then Adrian started yelling, telling me if I would hit the actual monsters I wouldn’t keep getting cut in half and dying.

I started getting really frustrated! I was like: “I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I CAN’T BEAT THIS! IT’S ON EASY AND I CAN’T GET PAST THE SECOND LEVEL!!!”

Adrian says: “If you want to get scientific about it, it’s because you’re sh*t.” Then he started laughing.”That is really mean isn’t it, but it’s true, you’re just awful. Absolutely rubbish.” He said he could probably beat that mass of monsters on the first try, so he took the controller. He beat it and then didn’t even have the decency to put on a smug look! It was just too natural for him I guess so he kept playing.

When he got in a fight later in the game I noticed he accidentally hit the wall with one of his bullets-twice! So I yelled “WHY DON’T YOU TRY HITTING THE ALIEN INSTEAD OF THE WALL. WHAT AN IDIOT!”

To which he replied: “That was a tragic attempt at pissing me off,” and kept playing.

I told him that we are going to break up over gaming when I become so good that I beat him at everything. Then he kept playing, still looking at the screen and said if that’s true then we are definitely in it for the long haul.

Adrian says this is why he loves me, because he can say this stuff to me and “it’s like water off a duck’s back.”

Usually. Sometimes he gets so frustrated with my poor abilities that he has to leave the room. Like when we got the Wii. Oh boy. Let me tell you. I couldn’t work out how to hit the tennis ball in a straight line so I started getting really high-pitched and saying the controller was broken, because I thought it was. Then we switched and I was still bad, so he was yelling “THIS IS MADE FOR OLD PEOPLE AND LITTLE KIDS!!!” He left the room after like 20 minutes because we started getting in a fight, and we didn’t play tennis ever again. Now we play Wii Play, which is a bunch of little games. Out of the 10-15 games I will only play about four because those are the only ones I have a chance at winning.

I think I’m good at games. Because when we play MarioKart 64 I almost always beat him. If he was as good as he says he is, he would pick it up in a snap and be better than me. But he’s not! The only reason he beats me at these games now is because he’s been practicing his whole life!

Also, when I got Left 4 Dead I practiced every single day for at least an hour and my shooting skills got way better! I think I need only a couple more years and I’ll be able to compete.  It might not be as fun for Adrian anymore, because he really enjoys watching me play. He says he likes shouting at me and it’s “good, natural fun.”

My MarioKart win:

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One response to “I’m a Gaming Hero.

  1. Pingback: I Wish My Job Title Was “Mollusc Curator” « RAM (random access memory)

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