Parents on Facebook: Friend or Don’t Friend?

A blogger I follow wrote about how she only recently added her parents on Facebook, despite living 4,000 miles away from them. I couldn’t believe it! But then I started thinking about it, and I wouldn’t want most people’s parents as my friends on Facebook or real life if they were my parents.

I guess I got lucky. My parents are cool, and many of my friends are also friends with them.

See, look how cool they are in action, making me dinner, placing it on the table in front of me, etc.

Sometimes I think maybe they’re not cool. Maybe it’s just that I’m so boring and dorky I have nothing questionable floating about in the Facebook sphere to cause concern, and that’s why I can’t see any problem being friends with them. Even if I did engage in nefarious activities, would I be broadcasting them on Facebook anyway? No.

I don’t like how everything has to be “cool.”  Why can’t we just live life, instead of having to say snotty stuff like, “Oh, I can’t be on Facebook now that my grandparents are on it.” I mean, if you don’t want to be on Facebook, fine. But it annoys me when people act like they’re too cool for school. Or grandmas.

Again, maybe this is because I was blessed with a cool grandma, but so what? Grandma watches South Park, says bad words, and plays evil tricks on me like when we went fishing and she tossed a worm in my ear and slapped a big wet fish on my bare back. She’s not on Facebook, but if she did join she’d be way cooler than the tool sheds who’d leave because of her.

Here’s the chart I saw on this gal’s blog. Still kinda funny!

I guess my point is, if your parents suck at life and you’d rather not be reminded of them, fine. Don’t add them. But if you’re not adding them out of some commitment to being cool, you’re not cool. Add them.

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260 Comments

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260 responses to “Parents on Facebook: Friend or Don’t Friend?

  1. Your grandmother sounds awesome!

  2. I refuse to add my FIL, but I don’t mind having my parents on FB. I don’t say anything on there that I wouldn’t say in front of them! But my FIL is just nosey, so on principle I can’t do it :)

  3. Kathy Kuhlman aka Mom

    Love the diagram! Yes, your parents are cool! In fact they are the coolest parents I’ve ever known!

  4. my mom is on Facebook and she is super cool. A lot of my friends think she is too. So without her there, the world would be missing out on her coolness. Now, my in-laws. That’s another story. They can’t handle call waiting, so I don’t think they’ll ever figure out social media.
    The chart pretty much says it all.
    My daughter is going to get a Facebook account this year when she turns 12. I told her that’s when I felt it was appropriate. Some of her friends have already friended me. I guess I must be cool! So I just hope she ‘friends’ me too. How pathetic is that? I hope my daughter ‘friends’ me, sounds really weird.
    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    • Ha ha that’s funny! I never thought about what it’d be like to be a kid growing up and having Facebook be a “thing” you get to do. For me it was getting my ears pierced!

  5. very nice post. I love having my grandmother as a facebook friend. My parents won’t give in, however.

    I love the blog name!

  6. My dad’s not on facebook, but my mom is, and I added her as soon as she signed up! Actually, most of my facebook friends are family, because we all live all over the world and I have quite a few cousins…so I’ve got my parents, siblings, cousins, aunts etc… Isn’t the (normal) idea of facebook to keep in touch with the people you love? It’s great, especially when you’re far away, so why not your parents?? Great post, by the way, and congrats on being freshly pressed! :)

    • Those are exactly my thoughts!!

    • apeaceofconflict

      I’m the same Dounia! As soon as my parents joined facebook– I added them– because it’s a great way to keep in touch when we live so far apart; also, I love them, so why wouldn’t I? I don’t understand what people are writing or posting on their account that they are soo afraid of their parents seeing it? If you are doing things that are so unsavory, why post on it facebook anyway? Besides, I think by this time, my parents know who I am and (mostly) what I’m up to.
      Great post!

  7. Awesome subject .. My dad is in facebook while my mom ‘was’ in many social networking sites .. At first I found it really weird but then I thought it was kind of cool ..Although it was quite hard teaching him some basic “facebook-concepts” like you don’t put “Hi” as a status message ..

    Nice post ! and cool illustration :)

  8. My Dad’s on Facebook and in fact, some of my friends added him before I even knew he had finally gotten an account! I’m proud to have super awesome parents.

    It was about time I got rid of those pictures from all the wild university parties anyways…

  9. I am friends with my mother but not my father. I wasn’t going to friend my mother either, but she threatened to withhold my annual $100 Christmas present unless I did. Money talks.

  10. My mom and dad are cool — so cool, they joined Facebook without my even prodding.

    But I think my mom thought that when she was on Facebook…people could see her through the screen! So she decided to quit. And in doing so, she unfriended (or is it defriended) ME!

    I now have therapy issues for years to come…
    ;)

  11. I always laugh when my kid’s friends are the ones send me the “friend requests”…. I have a ton of kids on my FB and I bet I only added 3 or 4. (Excluding nieces and nephews of course, I have 24 of those added all of the ones old enough to FB.) I guess that means I am “cool” in kid world, either that, or I say enough random crap to be completely entertaining!

  12. Touchy subject in this household. Daughter = no way; her friends = Hi, Mrs. R!

  13. Rae

    After a lot of consideration, I finally added my mom on Facebook. My main concern was that she would be worried and want to check up on me every time I said I was out doing something, and obviously I have to censor some of my posts. But, you know, it makes her happy.

  14. Hamid Lorette

    I’m trying something new which using Google+ for close family only and Facebook for everyone that wants to friend me even though I may have only spoken to them one time. This is working out so if I really want to just tell my close family something I can go on Google+. There’s so much SPAM on Facebook feeds that I’m not sure anyone will even see my posts these days.

  15. I’m FB friends with several of my kids’ friends. Helps me understand kids today better. . .also helps me understand WTH my kids are texting me. I think although my kids believe I am a total dork, that it is reassuring to them that I’m watching over them on FB. (At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)

  16. Constance V. Walden

    Thanks for sharing your really cute blog. Your parents look like some cool people, and healthy too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Connie
    http://7thandvine.wordpress.com/

  17. millodello

    I have three children using FB. I respect all three in their decisions. I am 2 for 3. Knowing my kids the way I do I think the ratio is the correct one. There are different levels of privacy required between among them.

  18. Mum refuses to join Facebook. We’ve only recently gotten her up to speed on reading emails. Just reading them, mind you! I’m not friends with my Dad. I don’t even know why, it was just an unspoken thing that we wouldn’t be friends.

  19. I friended my Mom, I am waiting to see how this turns out.
    How bad can it be?

    (There maybe a blog post or two out of it)

  20. Im friends with my grandmas, grandpas, aunts, and uncles on facebook, so i never post anything bad. If i did, even though my parents aren’t on facebook, they would still hear about it.

    -http://www.acheaperdisney.wordpress.com

  21. Ha! Great post, and I love the flowchart you shared! When it comes to Facebook and my parents, I guess that I am lucky that my parents aren’t on there, but I can say for certain that if they were I would be deathly terrified of the possibility of my mom posting weird things or pics from my childhood. My girlfriend’s father recently has taken to asking her personal questions on her wall – awkward! Thanks for the great read, and congrats on being freshly pressed!

  22. LadyT

    hehe sounds like you have great parents and grandparents.. cool post

  23. I don’t mind, I added my parents on my facebook. They just reply on everything, Haha! Because of them I don’t post anything on facebook anymore.

  24. I think there is no harm in adding them as friends :) it will be a good family gesture :) and btw thanks for lovely share.. loved it!

  25. Thanks for a good laugh on my Saturday morning. I’m a Dad on Facebook. and FB friends with my daughter who is 16. My younger son ,14,doesn’t go for it and calls me a noob, whatever that is. My oldest son,19, never mentions Facebook only to say he never goes there. He tells fibs. I really like that chart. I’ve been thinking of deleting my FB page but now, thanks to Birthday in NYC, may take my boring site to levels I hadn’t considered.

  26. I am in the middle. I have my parents as friends and my 4 children have me as their friend. As we live all over Australia and my parents travel a fair bit of the year, it is a great way to stay in touch and share photos, especially of children and grandchildren. I get to see how much they have grown and what they are up to. My sisters and their kids are also all friends with everyone else. As we all get further apart geographically, we can stay close via FB. Nothing to do with ‘being cool’, just a medium to keep in touch.

  27. Very cool post. Congrats on being freshly pressed! I’d love for you to check out my blog and tell me what you think! (I know it’s kind of shameless promotion, I apologize).

    http://www.doyoulikeapplesblog.com

  28. 1st time visitor, great post! My dad is 73 and actually on facebook , I added him just for that fact alone! Like you mentioned though…he’s supercool so I would have added him anyway…..I’ll be back to check out your other post.

  29. I created a facebook acct for my mom, but she refused to participate. So I have to check her acct & accept her friends. My dad wouldn’t even consider it…

  30. A Novel Concept: Family
    I recently watched the new George Clooney film, “The Descendants,” which tells the story about a self-proclaimed “back-up” parent…
    http://happysandbox.com/news_view/16/0/a-novel-concept-family

  31. I have both parents and my Grandmother as friends on Facebook. Family is the most important thing in life and I think there’s a certain degree of snobbery when one should say it’s “not cool” to add them. Let’s forget about appearing socially desireable to peers which may look down upon the issue, and concentrate on the things that actually matter. At the end of the day, that’s what should be most appealing in life.

  32. I have my mom, an aunt, grama, brother, and cousins friended on Facebook but that is as far as it goes. Mainly because I don’t like to not be able to say what I wanna say. Though I have found these nifty filter things where I can select just who I want to see specific status which is awesome.

    Now what freaks me out is when I see my kids’ teacher on my suggested friends list. uhm, no. She does NOT need to know the inner workings of my min.

  33. I wouldn’t want to have my parents as my friends. I am 22 and they don’t need to know everything about my life. Plus some of my close friends post some crazy stuff on my wall sometimes. not parent material!

  34. Jan

    I’m Fb friends with my sons, my DIL, and several of their friends. My approach is to respect and support, but not to embarrass any of them.
    I think you are very perceptive when you point out, “…if you’re not adding them out of some commitment to being cool, you’re not cool.”
    I enjoyed this post, and congratulations on FP!

  35. As a forty-something mother, I love being Facebook friends with my twenty-year old nieces and nephews – I learn so much about them! I suspect if my mother was on Facebook, she would learn stuff about me as well, and that would not be a bad thing. The in-laws, however: definitely not!

  36. People can add their parents and just filter them out from some stuff. I don’t know what the big fuss is all about.

  37. Great post, cool parents, and I love your f—ing grandma.

  38. Well let’s see. I’ll give my age first, 48. I got on FB a couple months ago to satisfy a friends request since he satisfied one for me from another social sight.
    My two oldest sons were on FB before me. Oldest (college grad) (at home) has not friended me (yet?). Second son when home for break found out I was on FB and friended me right away. 3rd son (HS age) finally gets on FB and friends me right away. So I got two out of three. I’ll take it for now, got three more to go!
    I have lots of family, close and extended that have friended me too. It does seem to help keep up with family, close and far.

  39. Dor

    Love your post! I’m friends with my 3 teenage granddaughters and 2 step-granddaughters on FB. I try to be cool but if not, I remain unobtrusive. My image is of our dog, Rozie, so if I make Hmmmmm comments when the kids say something touchy, they are not embarassed among their peers. The “Hmmmms” seem to help a lot! Thanks for sharing this. You are WAY cool!

  40. I definitely add them. Even as a teenager, when I was supposed to meet a friend at their home and if I beat them there, they would come home to find me at the kitchen bar with their mom drinking tea and eating lemons. Great memories! Thank you for sharing.

  41. I like that your grandma drinks red wine. That right there says she’s cool.

  42. im “friends” with my mom on fb and every last thing i post she “likes”… while I appreciate her support and enthusiasm I would prefer her to simply NOT “like” everything. Maybe she could text me instead.

  43. I’d be way more concerned with the comments my mother would post. If they are anything like my answering machine messages…I don’t need that displayed in public! “I mean, can you believe she did that?” But I’m friends with my father-in-law on FB and he is “quiet.” I can deal with that. If my mom were on FB, I would just hide stuff from her or hide her posts. What else can you do? She’s your mom. Everyone gets it.

  44. Love this! I wish I could “like” this blog.

  45. Annetta

    Here! Here! or maybe Hear! Hear! Standing up about “coolness” is hard enough and then you threw in Facebook friending your parents – smashing! I’ve been trying to get my mom on so she can reconnect with her old friends.

  46. I friended my parents on facebook… but my lifestyle annoys them they get mad all the time at me, so I restricted what they can see, works like a charm

  47. mistersilverio

    Interesting post. I add my family because I have nothing to hide now or when I was younger. If you can’t be cool with your parents as friends then you need to reevaluate what cool is.

  48. I have some family members that I don’t see very often [My mom even bugs me to send one of them a wall msg or pm sometimes or see their photos on fb]

    For me they can’t see my posts unless I don’t have it under the do not show section when you post stuff.

  49. Your grandma doesn’t look like she drinks beer often, but I bet when she does, she drinks Dos Equis.

  50. I am like you… I got lucky and have “cool” parents. I often tone down things online anyway because I have younger cousins and such, but even if I didn’t, one of the coolest things about the rents is – even if I put every dirty little secret on their, they wouldn’t care. Rock on mom and dad! Plus, I mean you CAN ‘hide’ things from anyone you don’t want to see certain things. A cousin of mine deleted his mom from FB. I say let them on and just moderate what they see if you are the type to put everything you do online. If not, don’t worry about it. They like feeling like they are included :)

  51. My girlfriend recently added her parents on Facebook. She doesn’t post personal things on Face… So, the rule is… if you are posting personal things you don’t want them to find out, don’t add them.
    About myself… I don’t have Facebook at all… at least not a personal account with my name on it. And even if I did have one, I would never put anything personal up there.
    What’s your opinion regarding this?

    • I don’t think it’s an appropriate place – parents or not – to be posting personal stuff! Plus, I think it’s kind of insulting to the parents because most people are friends with so many people on Facebook that they barely know, and yet these people are allowed to know more about your life than the people who raised you? I just don’t get it!

  52. @ Lemony (all the way up there!) i like what you’re saying, but i refused my ma’s friend request, not coz i don’t like her, but coz i don’t want her worrying about me. (and i sometimes swear on my page)
    I did invite her onto my blog FB page tho, which she likes :)
    @ eku – i put personal things on FB. It’s kinda’ liberating. But i don’t know how many friends of friends will read it – so i’m wary of that.

  53. Love it! I have half a mind to post the flowchart to my facebook

  54. If my parents were still around I’d have them on my facebook account. But I can also see the flipside of the question. My parents were pretty cool and would have been able handle being on my account without any problems. My friends would have been fine with it too. Great story!

  55. Hee hee, fun blog :)

    My dad is on FB, my mom is technologically useless and takes forever to type an email so FB is beyond her.

    In the last couple of years, I’ve moved to Japan. My dad uses FB as a way of keeping up to date on what I do. However this is backfiring for him as I’m growing bored of FB now.

    The other downside is that whenever we talk on the phone, he then feels the need to discuss and analyse everything I write on FB, not realising that a) I might not want to, and b) a lot of what I write on there is spur of the moment stuff. This does annoy me a bit and makes me consider unadding him just to save myself the conversations.

    However, its nothing to do with coolness. He’s friends with lots of people me and my sister are friends with and they seem to enjoy chatting with him.

    Nice blog, and well done for being Freshly pressed!

  56. But for bloggers like us, it’s easy: Let your parents follow your blog.
    Don’t worry about Facebook. I actually wouldn’t worry that much about Facebook at all: http://andreasmoser.wordpress.com/2010/09/11/life-after-facebook/

  57. heyy, its a cool post..i was able to associate myself with this…. even i’ve got *cool* parents who are not quite against me freaking out… but, somewhere down the blue line, the *GENERATION GAP* pulls you back in making them your Facebook friends…. yeah you were spot on!! nefarious activities won’t go down well even if you’ve got a cooler parents…….

  58. Yay! Congrats on being freshly pressed! I totally agree, my parents are my friends on facebook and I don’t care! They know me already! Great post.

  59. Im friends with my children on facebook. I dont think there is anything wrong with it. Great blog!

  60. love you write-up. so realistic!! anyways, my parents are my parents who will be there when ive nothing so why not have them as friends in facebook??? =)

    http://travellersdiningdepot.wordpress.com/

  61. A Frog at Large

    I am responsible for my mum being on Facebook; she was scared of it before as if it was going to find out where she lived, stalk her and steal her money. I’m not sure it was the wisest thing I’ve ever done and she still doesn’t really know what to do with it. I have since heard that my brother un-friended her after she made a comment on one of his statuses telling him off for something or other (he is 26 btw). To be fair he does have an ‘interesting’ writing style and a tendency to go hyperbolic so when he writes ‘recovering from wicked orgy last nite’, he’s probably just had a bottle of vodka or two with his mates, he’s not telling the world – and his mum – about his exploits in the bedroom.

  62. I recently unfriended my kids and their girlfriends, sort of change but as a mother, of adult kids I started checking on what they were doing and it made me feel uncomfortable, like snooping in their room. Then my oldest son broke up with his girlfriend, and I was hurt by what she was saying on her facebook, that I thought there are things a mother just does not need to know… So I am happiest just not knowing everything that my adult children are doing.

  63. Hilarious. Your grandma sounds cool.

  64. alok kumar

    nice, I agree

  65. Roda

    Hi Sara, your article was a real toughie… you see in my case I am the parent and I may be cool but still the kids don’t want you knowing everything about them even though they may not have anything to hide. Also in my case I market my book through my fb fan page where I have close to 3000 followers and that’s not cool. Ah well ..win some etc etc

  66. My grandparents and parents are not on facebook however I have ALL my relatives. They comprise of more than half of my facebook friends ^.^
    I too find people annoying who think they are too cool to ‘friend’ their parents.

  67. staralfu

    It’s pretty awkward for me, i live overseas and have a lot of friends in my life from here on FB. We can just be goofing around about something that happened and my mother will come in and say “what’s that” or “sounds fun” which is completely irrelevent to anything going on.

    So instead of blocking her, i just added her to a restricted group that i only share some posts with. She’s pretty clueless tech wise, so as yet is none the wiser.

    Plus there won’t be that awkwardness asking why I unfriended her

  68. Grace Cadenilla

    Your grandmother is awesome and I like the flowchart! Great Post! :)

  69. Pingback: Facebook Flow Chart | One / Zero+

  70. I’m 53 years old and my mom is on my Facebook page. I get in trouble if I use a curse word, drink, or talk about my dates. Some things never change.

  71. Four of my kids have FB (the fifth is too young) and they have all friended me and so have some of their friends. My dad also has me and my kids as FB friends. My mother doesnt use the computer so she doesnt have a FB otherwise she would have us all as friends too. I think its good to be connected to your family. I would never put any information on a public website that I would be embarassed to have my children or my parents know about so thats not an issue for me.

    And anyways, Im like, really cool, and having me on their friends lists just raises all their coolness factors as well.

  72. Thinking your parents are cool is cool! I’m 35, friends with both of my parents on FB so are many of my friends. I’m also friends with some of my parents friends. I love keeping up with everybody no matter what generation. Also, my oldest son is friends with his father and I, his grandparents, aunts, uncles, grown cousins, the babysitter, etc.

    I also see where FB is a great way to keep tabs on your teenage children.

  73. mysticbloodrose

    Congrats on freshly pressed…

    On Facebook the only family member I have is my brother. The rest are people I have known for years. I used to have a windows live profile and I added family without giving it a second thought. When one of them made a not so nice comment about some of my blogs and she constantly filled my page up with comments (and annoying glittery pictures) I decided when opening a facebook account that I would NOT add them. Its not that I have naked pics, or really rude comments etc. I just don’t want the hassle of having to explain my every move.

    My solution…I opened another account and added them on there.

  74. While I lived outside of the country I found facebook as a great way to stay in contact with my family. I don’t think it’s uncool to love my parents and let them be part of my life, even my facebook life. Although I did have to change how I used facebook when they both joined. But that’s not a bad thing. Your grandma sounds hilarious. You should set up a facebook page for her.

  75. pattyabr

    My son unfriended me a couple of times but have re-friended as long as I never post anything on his wall. That’s the deal. I can send private comments only. I am friends with my daughter and my nieces and nephews. My niece and nephew probably blocked me from seeing everyone of their posts because they are crazy party young adults. I don’t care.

  76. Meh – a lot of family members have friended me on Facebook, including at one point my father. That ended VERY badly. Facebook just brought back the years of his constant insults and abuse and he is now firmly in my “Dead to me!” category because of it and not my friend on Facebook anymore.

  77. My parents have me as friends on facebook, but I kind of wish that they didn’t because they obsess over anything that I post, i.e. pictures, statuses, etc.. not necessarily in a bad way, but I don’t like it how they “like” everything that is on my account. I like a little space. If that space is respected, I’m totally cool with it. Just depends on the circumstance, I guess.

  78. didn’t follow the flow chart – got a headache! my 20 year old son won’t friend me. i hope one day he will. he does talk to me though and i think that’s more important. thanks for your post :)

  79. Connor said this didn’t deserve to get freshly pressed. And he’s glad he’s not on facebook. He’s just too cool for that silliness.

  80. “I can’t believe everyone needs to comment on this” -Connor

  81. I would not worry about it. I friended all my family and hardly ever get on Facebook, let alone look at everything people put on there. I just post a picture sometimes or message them once in a while. I don’t read what everyone puts on there. You can also control who can see your stuff.

  82. Well Now I’ll add my mom on a trial basis. If she is too nosy(which she is) i’ll unfriend her. That would be cool right?

  83. Well i’ll add my Mom now. But if she is too nosy(which I know she is) I’ll unfriend her. Now that would be Cool right?:-)

  84. Hey! I know you! Congrats on being ‘Freshly Pressed’ :)

  85. Pingback: Should You Add Your Parents To Facebook? « sevemanzoor

  86. Love the pics of your grandma! I hope I’m the kind of parent my kids want to friend. I’m trying to kick-start the “cool” role early by doing things like reading my 5-year-old “B is for Beer.” He’ll still think I’m a dork, but maybe he’ll think I’m an approachable one.

  87. I’m so stressed out about being rejected by my kids on Facebook that I’ve never signed up. How bad is that? I dunno about your granny – not sure I’d be able to sleep at night wondering what she might do next!
    How do you get your “online bookshelf” on your home page – I would love to have that!

    • If you have a Good Reads account there is an option somewhere on the site to have the widget on your blog. Just select the html code for the widget you’d like, then go to your dashboard. Select widgets under the appearance tab, and then drag the box that says “text” into your sidebar box. All you have to do is paste in the html code, save it, and it should appear.

  88. This is too funny, but so true! I would add my mom and step dad in a heart beat! I just stumbled on your blog today! I’ll be a frequent visitor, for sure. If you’d like to check out mine, it’s http://www.lovemotherhoodandlifeonthedirtroad.wordpress.com
    I’m new to this whole blogging thing, but I’m loving it so far! :)

  89. My mom is the bomb and is living large on Facebook. :-)

  90. A great post. I wish I still had my parents around to friend on Facebook, not that they’d be on it – my Dad was struggling with using a mobile phone and never went near a computer :) Your Grandma is very cool, as a brand new Nanna myself, I hope I am every bit as cool as yours. The fish slap thing made me laugh :)

  91. I find it awkward for family members commenting on my posts. So I change the visibility setting most of the time.

  92. I would say dont add them, because we all do and say crazy things on facebook that we wouldn’t want our parents to see.. we are completely different people on facebook.. great post!! :-D

  93. I was like,woahh!! You’ve got a cool family there! I’ve got mine too,though granny refuses to learn this ‘techie’ thing I will always love her!

    I’m thinking on what’s wrong being friend with your family virtually? I don’t care if others don’t want to be friends with their family but I’d definitely will accept my family’s request if they wish to have an account there!

  94. Haha I feel the same way. I added my parents on Facebook, but I also have cool parents, plus I don’t do anything that they wouldn’t approve of. I’m also friends with many of my extended family members (grandparents, aunts, uncles, great aunts, etc.), many of which I’d rather not be friends with simply because they don’t know how to Facebook. haha. They write everything in all caps and are always commenting on pictures as if it’s my wall: “HEY HOW R U DOING JUST CHECKING IN I SAW UR MOM THE OTHER DAY LUV U”. I still don’t delete them, though, because they are family!

    I also totally agree with this: “I have nothing questionable floating about in the Facebook sphere to cause concern, and that’s why I can’t see any problem being friends with them. Even if I did engage in nefarious activities, would I be broadcasting them on Facebook anyway? No.” Exactly!

  95. i do…. and they looks cooler than me on facebook :(

  96. I don’t go on FB enough to incriminate myself inadvertantly, however I also do not go on enough to stop my friends inappropriately tagging me in this or that.

    Although I doubt either of my parents would confront me, I’d still feel judged on the inside!

  97. The only risk I have in friending my parents on Facebook is them finding out I’m not cool or funny; but they already know that; so it’s no big deal.

  98. This is a heart felt post. I liked it a lot.

    That’s what i can’t really understand, what does it mean to be cool?. Oh like i’m so cool i don’t add my parents on facebook, like oh not my PARENTS!.

    I think coolness is just a fake barrier people pull between others and their insecurities. Some parents are really positively curious about how their children act like when they’re away from them, and it’s a good thing totally.

    Some parents really like to get to know their children’s friends better. Why not think all that and just stay away from this coolness thing?.

    Thanks for sharing this with us.

  99. Anonymouse

    Well, I kind of wish my parents weren’t Friended on Facebook. Not because I post crazy/inappropriate things, but the lack of overall privacy.

    It’s like having your friends all over in one room doing all their own things and your parents constantly peeking through the door/window at you from another room.

  100. yeah!I agree. one should obviously do so if one feels like!

  101. swearyoso

    It’s nice that you have very accessible and supportive parents.

    I deactivated my Facebook, but I have Twitter left to interact with my friends (though its private). The thing is, my mom also has Twitter! I didn’t add her because they’re very conservative, and I do have some pro-homosexuality tweets that I post. For my part, it’s really not for the reason of “coolness”, but more of a deep, personal one.

  102. Yeah it wld be good to add parents to your friend list if they are cool.
    But if they aren’t you may be screwed for some secret things you do there . LoL :) :)

  103. My mom actually got into the social networking sites (back when myspace was the thing) cause us kids had one and we were growing up and moving away, and she wanted to keep in contact with us still since no one calls or emails anymore. I like being friends with my family, cause even if I don’t get to see them physically, I still get to feel a part of their life.

  104. Yes, your grandma looks cool, and your parents, well, they look neat, and happy. This is good stuff.

    I loved being on Facebook with my family and their peripheral worlds. But notice I am using the past tense. It got so that the degrees of separation got so close in and overwhelmingly intrusive that I quit! My kids were so disappointed, but I reassured them they could find me on my blog and on my website. I am not finished making stuff, you see, and Facebook takes up too much time.

    Liked your family…and I think they are very friendable. sgh ooothere.com

  105. Xavior

    If I had a facebook account I’d add my parents. However I do not like facebook so I do not have a facebook account. But thank you for sharing this I did enjoy reading it.

  106. My parents are a tad older and asked “us kids” if we could get them on Facebook. Out of earshot of our parents all of “us kids” talked about and decided to ixnay that idea. So we cleverly told them that their computers are older moldels and can’t hook up to Facebook. They believed “us kids.”.

    Mr Bricks

  107. Pingback: Parents on Facebook « Odd Parity Bit

  108. angelaschaffer

    My mother refuses to enter the 21st century with the rest of us and doesn’t even have a computer, let alone a Facebook account. If she were on it, I’d add her. I have cousins and brothers and sisters-in-law and everyone else on it, so why not?

  109. just found your blog on FP. Love it, never mind my parents, my sons are my ‘friends’ buy only so I can keep some kind of ‘eye’ on them. Love your blog and am now following. Can’t wait to see what’s next. :)

  110. The only downside to my Granny being on Facebook is the weekly calls, “Sarah. What does it mean Becky “liked” what I said? I don’t care if she likes it or not, I’m still sayin’ it. Take her off.”

  111. Sigh… I went through this a couple years ago when one of my parents joined Facebook and inturn so did many of my aunts and uncles… And no I did not friend them, in fact many of them were blocked. I love my family but they’re just too nosey for their own good. I didn’t want to have to constantly explain to my aunts or grandma that this guy or that guy in whatever picture is most certainly NOT my boyfriend therefore no one needs to start booking churches and picking out baby names. Yeah that’s my fam!

  112. Great post!
    I love my parents and I did friend them on Facebook. I think it’s cool to share stuff with them. They live in another city and that’s one of the ways we get to interact. Even if some of the things I post may not be things they completely approve of, they know that as long as these things don’t label me as a criminal and that they don’t hurt me or anyone else, they’re cool with it too :-)

  113. toxicallyyours

    I guess my kids friends think I’m cool cos they all add me – I always wait for them to do it as I think it’s their choice. I’m always pleased when they add me :-)

  114. I won’t add my dad so long as he keeps saying Facebook like it’s two separate words.

  115. Nice post, enjoyed reading it. don;t risk accepting the invitation.

  116. Congrats on being freshly pressed!! My daughter (24) finally added me, but it looks like I am only a partial friend. I can see her posts but not what her friends post. Why? I’m a cool mom. :)
    Great post, Sara!

  117. My sister and grandmother still are at a standoff as to whether or not my grandma used the “F-word.” No one could ever imagine such an event, but my sister insists to this day…gosh, 15 years later…that she did. Definitely NOT like your grandma. BUT, I do Skype with my 97 year old grandma, thus making her super cool (I guess the years of her teaching me how to plant and tend a garden, wash and hang clothes, bake…you know…all the grandma stuff…that makes her cool, too).

  118. Joe Labriola

    Haha, this is great. My parents made the decision themselves when they first got facebook not to friend me. They don’t wanna know what I’m up to…It’s better for everyone.

  119. I have added my parents and relatives to my account. It is a great way to share pictures because we do not live close by.
    You seen to have an awesome family!

  120. I would definitely be friends with your grandma on Facebook. Set her up.

  121. Hahahaha, tool shed. What a great new word for douchebag. You’re so right. My mom and I were friends on facebook when I had one and she DID like majority of the things I wrote. I was also in a foreign country and she trusted me enough to know I wasn’t doing anything TOO ridiculous. She also comments on every single one of my blogs, even the ones where I poke-fun at our dysfunctional family. You’re so right. Amen, sister.

  122. I follow my children, but there privacy is set so I can’t see EVERYTHING they get up to which I think is the best of both worlds. Especially, with my eldest who is away at uni.

  123. What annoys me is family reading your status and somehow thinking that it is a personal attack on them… Just because you are doing something fun and they are not…

  124. I would add my mom on Facebook. If she had Facebook. Which is like saying I’d teach my pet frog to fly if he had wings.

  125. I’d friend mine, sitting safe with the knowledge that he barely operates his email. So I’ll never have to go through with it. The bigger question is whether to friend exes. That’s always a challenge.

    Though, I hear facebook has some kind of handy-dandy feature now where you can block certain segments of your “friends” from seeing certain posts, or photos.

  126. hollyberrybrown

    being a very tech savvy parent/grandparent, i hate when people my age say they would never be on facebook, twitter, etc and they don’t know how or have no intention of learning how to use a computer. never too late to learn i say, ’cause if ya don’t you might as well bury your head in the sand. technology is such a great way to keep your mind sharp and stay in touch. you’re gonna be left out and left behind.

  127. what u say is absolutely true..i hate it when people try and act all cool for things and other stuff…they are making a fool out of themselves eventually

  128. I have faced a similar situation so I know the Dilemma . Nice Post and Many congratulations on being freshly Pressed :)
    Reach me at Krazy Memoirs

  129. I’m new to FB and to tell the truth, it isn’t that cool. I held out for years before getting an account. My folks aren’t on it, but I’d be the first to friend them if they were. I’m old and I don’t do a single scandalous thing these days. Lovely post – enjoy your family!

  130. troismommy

    LOL. I added my parents, and I’m on with all my uncles, aunts and cousins. If they don’t like what I post – oh well. :)

    Great post.
    http://troismommy.wordpress.com/

  131. sapphy03

    Lol, I guess sometimes parents can be annoying but mostly they’re cool!
    Your parents look very graceful!!!

    http://cheapair-conditioners.net

  132. I am a no for one parent, and yes for the parent who doesn’t really use it.
    I am sure the no parent uses the account of the yes parent, which brings me back to the reason for my firm no.
    I also have privacy settings that are higher for mutual friends. It isn’t about drinking or parties, but general online safety when you have kids. Say that you took a vacation, not “tomorrow, we leave for vacation and I hope I remembered to lock the back door,” or “Don’t you love these underpants I bought my grandson?”. “Heard about your fertility problems. We are all praying for you. Call Cissy. She has been through it all!”
    People who have poor boundaries IRL tend to have a hard time learning them in an online community, too.

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  135. Khari Cowel

    It can be a bit awkward to have your parents on Facebook. Nothing is wrong with it though. Just depends on the parents really.

  136. Rio

    I unfriended an ex-girlfriend of my son’s. My son told me she noticed and was “wtf?” I clearly do not understand the etiquette. I now know how to screen posts etc. so perhaps I would not have bothered if I had known. I don’t know exactly what the criteria for a facebook friend is.

    I am not cool by the way. I asked my kids, all three of them, and they said “No”.

  137. Katie

    I would friend my quirky hippy Mom but definitely not my conservative non-drinking Dad. I’m friends with some of my friends parents, and it hasn’t led to any major problems so far. Also friends with most of my aunts (I’m Irish, there are quite a few of them) which is a bit embarrassing sometimes because I post my blogs on it and I regularly post about my drinking/sexual antics.

    Great post, congratulations on being freshly pressed!

  138. Ama

    Your conclusion is lame. If your parent’s suck don’t friend them? I shouldn’t have wasted my time.

  139. Oh no! Not friend, without a doubt.

  140. I live soo far from my Mum now, so FB it’s easy way to talk to, if Skype have a bad day ;) I don’t think it’s wrong if u have ur parents as a “friend” on FB – as long as ur wall is clear from ur sex-life post or drinking nights pic ;)

  141. It depends on the person, or how you use facebook really. If its something low key and you don’t have anything offensive or inappropriate on there I say go ahead. My son has me as a friend on his facebook, and I went into his settings so my wall posts don’t show up for him, because he doesn’t need to know everything. lol

    http://laciejay.wordpress.com/

  142. I added my mom on facebook….well, I actually helped her set it up haha I dont really mind cause I dont put anything on facebook that I wouldnt want her to know about anyways. I have added employers on facebook in the past so I’ve always been careful about what I post.

  143. I really like this topic and just had this conversation with my daughter this morning, who is friends with some of my friends, but not me. That hurts. I have loads to ponder now.

  144. You do sound like you have a cool family, and a cool grandma. My kids have me and their grandparents as friends on FB. We try to stay away from commenting too much stuff on their wall, don’t assign chores to them through FB, etc. but we do comment when there is a picture and they look especially great!

    Congrats on being FP!

  145. I wish I had problems as big as yours … :-)
    Theo (63)

  146. Eek. Don’t friend ever. At least not until I can get the whole “shameless flirt” thing under control.

  147. ryoko861

    It depends on the relationship. If the kid has a lifestyle that isn’t for the faint of heart, then no, don’t do it. If the parents seem to be open minded, not stuck in the 50′s and have some sort of understanding of current trends and issues with kids and wouldn’t be offended by some of their friends comments and updates, then go for it.
    Personally, I don’t even want my husband on my friend’s list.

  148. I believe it’s just a matter of maturity level. It’s mostly the “kids” that won’t add their elders. I am 30 years old and I’m very close with my parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. They’re all my friends on FB but I probably would have never considered allowing my parents or grandparents to see my facebook page 10-12 years ago, of course, due to my maturity level back then.

  149. Don’t do it!!!!!!!!! I accepted my Mom’s friend request and now every time I post anything even mildly controversial or crpytic I get a concerned phone call almost instantaneously, which sapped nearly all the fun out of it.

  150. bestpriceapple

    Your grandma sounds hilarious! I have my mum on facebook and she makes me regret it every single day lol

  151. I personally don’t care enough about Facebook to post enough life details to necessitate censorship or the hand-selection of friends. If you can’t say it in front of your parents, you don’t want it connected to yourself via the internet. If you must share sordid details, go the BohemianHeroes route and share it anonymously.

  152. My mom uses Facebook under my brother’s name… And my Dad doesn’t have a Facebook but lives with my husband and me (think King of Queens). Either way they are all in my business.

  153. Great post! I guess this applies to uncles too. I am currently friends with my nieces but I clearly understand the rule is that I am not allowed to comment on any of their posts unless directly addressed. (In other words, speak only when spoken to.) Meanwhile they can comment on anything that I post if they choose.
    A few years back I had a lot of young cousins who all friended me. Their language was so offensive that I unfriended them. Funny how some of these youngsters think that their conversation is so intriguing that older folks want to be a part of it.

    Congrats on your Freshly Pressed!

  154. It’s great you seem to have a good relationship with your folks. Enough so that you could befriend them in Facebook. My mom is in Facebook and she’s cool enough so I added her. Lol. Kidding aside… What interested me most was your grandmother. She’s like that? Really? She does sound amazing! :D

  155. I have a super cool mom and grandmom who are both my friends on facebook. My dad isn’t into facebook at all but he’s pretty cool too :) Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  156. Drew

    My mother is the only parent that is technologically proficient enough to use Facebook (even barely), but yes, I added her out of courtesy. She’s my mother.
    I’m an interesting position, though. I tend to post a lot of controversial stuff/use profanities quite often, but I’m not bothered by my mom reading this stuff. Is it because she doesn’t care? No, it’s mostly because I don’t care. I’m 19, so the threat of parental repercussions isn’t really there. We’re both fairly sardonic, too, so she’s not very bothered by it.
    On the flip side, sometimes she’ll “stalk” me simply because she doesn’t have that many friends on Facebook, so it shows her a lot of my interactions. Again, that doesn’t bother me. I don’t care if my mother knows about my business–mostly because my business is harmless.

  157. Haha youre grandma seems cool! id friend her :)

  158. Hahah ! loved this post and the flowchart too ! I go through phases with my Mom and currently she is not my friend on FB. I had added her , coz she’s really cool and fun but then then she once commented on a picture of me and my friends at a club and said OMG that’s so wrong….so I took her off ( after that happened another 2-3 times).
    I think parents should not be on your FB if you live with them. No matter HOW COOl they can be , they will be your parents first. Unless of course ( now with all the privacy combinations available) you want to put them back on…which is probably something I will do. My dad is on my FB too….but he’s not snoopy…so it’s cool….

  159. I havent added my parents on FB either. Thankfully, they dont mind.

  160. coolprb

    the flowchart is definitely handy and now I know that I should never add my parents on facebook if they ever open an account that is.And that will never happen cause they seem to have a ‘LIFE’ unlike many of us.!.;)

  161. I would have serious apprehensions about adding my parents… not because it’s not “cool”, but because I just don’t want my mom stalking me and seeing what I talk about. I already have to censor myself when I’m eating with them; I don’t want to do that on Facebook too.

    But a good post, with many good points!

  162. You are lucky for being cool parents. But you know what, some of my friends had this problem too. They suddenly discover invites from their parents. My friends were able to come up with a silly solution, they created a facebook account exclusively for their parents, relatives or those I could say “family” category :D

    Congratulations for making it in the freshly pressed!

  163. slightlypickled

    I agree with the above noters.
    Your grandma? Awesome.

  164. I never added my dad on Facebook, and in fact he never sent me a request, and judging from his friend’s list, he has added only his actual ‘Friends’, that is kinda cool. Because I know if he had sent me a friend request it would have been hard not to accept it.

    Anyway great read :)

  165. Sounds like you’ve had a Series of Fortunate Events!

    spread the humor:charlywalker.wordpress.com

  166. how different the world is, I cannot imagine.

  167. pradeep javedar

    totally agree with you! this is the way it should be… family are friends too… and u can be as discreet as u want anyway…

  168. I totally agree! I use Facebook for friends and family only. That means I have a total of about 37 “friends.” Why people feel the need to post stuff on Facebook that they would normally filter out of one-on-one conversation is beyond me. Don’t want people to know? Don’t post! STOP ACTING LIKE TRASH ON FACEBOOK PEOPLE…your parents raised you better than that!

  169. Great post! Mine can’t switch on a computer so I don’t have to make that choice but I am friends with some of my friends parents.

  170. tombythetrent

    Great Post, I’m friends with all my family members that are on facebook as far as I’m aware and am quite happy to post drunk pictures and status of me doing stupid stuff even though half of them are snobs most of the time it gives them something interesting to start a conversation with me about. As for my parents I live 150 miles away so it’s nice to easily be able to see what they are doing and vice versa but as lucky as you say I have incredibly cool parents

  171. I have my mom, dad, grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins, brother, sisters, inlaws etc. on my facebook. I love being able to easily stay in touch with everyone :)

  172. Facebook is a great way for my mom to know what’s going in my life since we live on opposite sides of Asia. I’m hoping my Dad would sign up for fb one day.

  173. Pingback: The Day Facebook Became Old | The Soul Storm

  174. I agree with you — we are way to worried about being cool these days.

    I’m friends with my progeny on Facebook, and I interact with them the same way they interact with me — if someone says something interesting and engaging that an interesting and engaging human being, regardless of age, would communicate, then I smile, or comment, or both.

    I’ve heard, also, that there are categories you can dump particular relatives in so that they don’t see everything.

  175. As a mother, when my kids asked for a facebook, I quickly set down the perimeters by which they could have one. 1. They had to add me so I could monitor their online safety. 2. They were only allowed to add people they actually knew. 3. They had to give me their password, so I could make sure that they were safe. We had long conversations about this topic, and why it was important for me to know where they were online and what they were doing. My daughter who is now 18 still has me as a friend, but I no longer care if I have her password or not. The rules no longer apply to her. My 12 year old the rules still apply. I also have very open communication with both of them, and we talk about everything whether it is on facebook or not.

    Actually both of them have been guilty of logging onto their facebooks on my computer and leaving them logged in. I have opened up facebook thinking I am reading my facebook, became completely confused because everything looked weird! LOL! I have actually posted statuses on their facebooks before I realized what I had done. I then would delete the status hoping no one saw it and sign out, and back into my account.

    I only comment once in a while on their posts and pictures and only in an encouraging way. I use the like button once in a while, but not all the time. I am more likely to comment to the privately and leave private messages for them. I never want to embarrass them.

    Peace Be To All,
    Sallyjane
    http://www.the777man.com Do you like to write? Murder Mystery writing competition on my blog! Come join in the fun as a writer or voting!

  176. I have 20 of my family members on facebook! Aunts, Grandparents, Cousins, Old, young, Friends parents. What does it matter!? It is not a “coolness” level. It’s a privacy/trust level. Some people just don’t feel the need to keep anything from family.

  177. Beckykins

    That’s a don’t friend on the parents. Roger that. Friend non-nuclear family members, since it’s less likely to come back and bit you in the ass.

  178. I think it depends. When my kids get old enough to get on facebook, I will friend them, if merely for safety reasons and monitoring their activity. I think in that case, you don’t try to join in on their conversations, you merely watch and monitor. Safety, in this day and time how could you not.

    As adults, I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have. I have friended both my parents. Actually, I set up both of their facebook accounts, and it is easier that they can see what we are doing as we live in a different state. I should be better about emailing pics, but truthfully as it is a lot easier to put them on facebook and let them look, well that is what I do. And I have the belief that I wouldn’t put anything on facebook, that would embarrass me in real life so, I am not worried about that.

    However, if you are single and younger than I am, and have a social life and every person who posts on your page your mother is looking to find out if you are marrying him, well then I completely understand not friending your parents. I find that most of my “friends” have friended their parents, and their children that are on facebook.

  179. itpaystoberegualrunderatree

    Thank goodness for security settings…

  180. Dont friend, some things your parents dont need to know! haha

  181. Defo wouldn’t add my parents on Facebook lol

  182. Why not if your parents are nice friend them, if not, and they friend you, you can always restrict what they see!

  183. Pingback: Facebook Musings « reneenomore

  184. As a 21 year old guy who lives at home and is in a relationship, I did add my parents as friend but I hide a lot of my postings, for more than one reason. My mom has it set up that everything that I post that she can see, gets sent to her phone as a text, so its not even like she has to sit down at the computer to see what I’m doing. My dad doesn’t use Facebook as much as much. The main reason my mom is one of the people I keep from seeing alot of my updates is because of her comments, for instance, I post something like this “My girlfriend went back to school last night, it hasn’t been a day yet and I miss her so much.”. She comments things like “aww” or “that’s so sweet” and then my guy friends then comment ha ha ha your mom comments on your status. I’m not one to care what people think, but after my friends start to say things like “aww I better watch what I say your mommy might comment” it begins to be annoying. Maybe my friends are just jerks? Either way I see both of my parents and yes they are my friends on Facebook, although I don’t let them see most of what I do.

  185. Pingback: Where are you from when you’re a military kid? | lemony snippet

  186. “But if you’re not adding them out of some commitment to being cool, you’re not cool” — hands down to this line. Very true! Nice point of view. ;)

  187. mslanak

    So funny to find this today. My dad commented on my facebook page for the first time today and I almost considered unfriend-ing him. Mind you I will be turning 40 this year, Lol!! And all he said was “My, my, my” So, at the moment I have decided to take the high road and be (cough, cough) an adult. I can handle this. Hahahaha!

  188. It began with mum’s request to add her, and then she’s comment on everything i did (ok i secretly, very deeply inside, found it cute). Now she has no time for my profile anymore, hers is just more happening :)

  189. I found the best way to solve the facebook-family issue, was to create a page for my friends, and another page for my relatives and family friends. Then I don’t have to be annoying trying to monitor my friends and what they say to me.

  190. Daniel

    Swedish band commenting the topic “I don´t have facebook” Not related to adding your parents though.

  191. amusid

    I get along pretty well with my parents, but I wouldn’t add them as my friend on facebook, simply because they are very noisy. lol. I love them to death but they will question every status I put up. Not that I really go on fb a lot. Plus my parents are old school they can’t even open a computer X)

  192. as a former child i would say never friend your parents on faccebook, but as a parent i say my daughter better friend me.

  193. I’m blunt and tell them i dont want to add them because they’re family. the ones that do get past me i have on restricted. Seems strict, but no one ever says any thing about it.

  194. I actually don’t have my parents friended on Facebook (my mom is a fiend for it now), but I don’t think I have to because I basically tell them everything that is going on in my life, anyway. On top of that, I don’t have anything to hide on my Facebok profile. Maybe the occasional inappropriate wall/timeline post by a friend, but that’s about it.

  195. Great article. I would not add my father or his wife and fortunately would not get the chance to. However I did add my Mother-in-law as it was a great way to get pictures to her 800 miles away. While reluctant to do so, my wife says it won’t be a problem, Grandma’s hardly ever on it. After my post of 6 pictures, she had commented how cute my kids are on every picture. It’s her job to do that as Grandma and I just found it funny that she did. To be reluctant on a subject such as this is just to know that I have been offensive at one time or another and wouldn’t want to offend Grandma. She does not watch South Park!
    But as I discussed it with a friend, you shouldn’t be on Facebook if you’re easily offended.

  196. The chart leads me to “Don’t friend them.” Haha.

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